One of the prerequisites for being in full time ministry is that you must be able to laugh at yourself. You are, whether you like it or not, going to have many embarrassing moments.....most likely in front of a lot of people, whether that be on the platform or just standing in the foyer. I think that all of us who have been in ministry for any length of time will have a list of belittling mistakes that we so wish we could just sweep under the rug. I don't really want to talk about my embarrassing moments but I do want to share some of the others that I have heard of. I will be sure not to mention any names so there is no further embarrassment......nothing like rubbing it in. I'm sure my colleagues will love me for it though!
One day a fellow English speaking pastor was preaching at a Vietnamese Church. He would speak and someone would translate his sermon into Vietnamese. One of the lines in the sermon had to do with "Karla Fay Tucker" which is a hard name to say fast even by an English speaking person. If you can't see how this name could be misconstrued, just try saying it as fast as you can 10 times. Well, the poor translator who mis spoke it almost had a cardiac arrest. Trying to regain his composer was made even more difficult by the young girls sitting in the front row who were laughing so hard that the pew was actually shaking. You have to give him credit for even being able to finish to the end.
Another friend was telling me about the ministry position he had applied for as a Children's Pastor at a local Chinese church. He was asked to come and give a message to the English speaking congregation as part of the application process. My friend was fairly nervous and not quite sure what to expect since he had never ministered in a Chinese church before. As usual, his very supportive wife accompanied him that morning and quietly sat at the very back of the auditorium, behind the congregation. The message was given and was very well received by everyone. At the end of the message, this young pastor's wife, wanting to be sure that he did his best, was determined to remind him not to forget to close in prayer after his message was complete. So still standing at the back where no one could see her, she stood up, put her hands together (as to pray) and she bowed her head down in order to signal to him to be sure to close in prayer. My friend, not knowing Chinese culture, thought that maybe his wife had learned something that he didn't know and totally misunderstood her intentions. At the end of his message he walked to the front of the stage, put his hands in front of him as to pray, and proceeded to bowed down twice in front of all the Asian people in the room! He immediately went to the Senior pastor to apologize for the terrible faux pas. I've never laughed so hard about anything in my life! And just for the record, he did end up getting the job.
One Sunday I was singing a solo, using a background tape. The first verse went fine but when I got to the second verse I drew a complete blank and couldn't remember the words. So I continued to sing, making up the words as I went along. I was doing just fine too, until the background singers (on the tape) came in singing totally different words!! My wonderful congregation all pretended that they didn't notice a thing! That was the last time I ever trusted myself to memorize the words to anything.
It's a good thing that most pastors have very loving and forgiving congregations who understand that we are all learning and that we all make mistakes. I've had more than my share of humiliating moments. It's just a lot easier to laugh about other pastors embarrassing mistakes than it is my own......they seem a whole lot funnier to me than mine, but I am getting better at learning to laugh at myself. I haven't died from embarrassment yet....but that day may indeed come!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n3ASzTQCzc&feature=player_embedded
Another friend was telling me about the ministry position he had applied for as a Children's Pastor at a local Chinese church. He was asked to come and give a message to the English speaking congregation as part of the application process. My friend was fairly nervous and not quite sure what to expect since he had never ministered in a Chinese church before. As usual, his very supportive wife accompanied him that morning and quietly sat at the very back of the auditorium, behind the congregation. The message was given and was very well received by everyone. At the end of the message, this young pastor's wife, wanting to be sure that he did his best, was determined to remind him not to forget to close in prayer after his message was complete. So still standing at the back where no one could see her, she stood up, put her hands together (as to pray) and she bowed her head down in order to signal to him to be sure to close in prayer. My friend, not knowing Chinese culture, thought that maybe his wife had learned something that he didn't know and totally misunderstood her intentions. At the end of his message he walked to the front of the stage, put his hands in front of him as to pray, and proceeded to bowed down twice in front of all the Asian people in the room! He immediately went to the Senior pastor to apologize for the terrible faux pas. I've never laughed so hard about anything in my life! And just for the record, he did end up getting the job.
One Sunday I was singing a solo, using a background tape. The first verse went fine but when I got to the second verse I drew a complete blank and couldn't remember the words. So I continued to sing, making up the words as I went along. I was doing just fine too, until the background singers (on the tape) came in singing totally different words!! My wonderful congregation all pretended that they didn't notice a thing! That was the last time I ever trusted myself to memorize the words to anything.
It's a good thing that most pastors have very loving and forgiving congregations who understand that we are all learning and that we all make mistakes. I've had more than my share of humiliating moments. It's just a lot easier to laugh about other pastors embarrassing mistakes than it is my own......they seem a whole lot funnier to me than mine, but I am getting better at learning to laugh at myself. I haven't died from embarrassment yet....but that day may indeed come!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n3ASzTQCzc&feature=player_embedded
I'm sure you've all seen these bulletin bloopers before but they just never get stale!
Answer : "I prefer a red brick church."
The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 P.M. Please use the back door.
On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expense of a new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will please come forward to get a piece of paper.
There is a sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be baptized on the table in the foyer.
Janet Smith has volunteered to strip and refinish the communion table in the sanctuary.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains.
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I upped My Pledge----Up Yours."
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
If you need to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly.
A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.
We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
Thursday at 5:00PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his study.
Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
This evening at 7 PM there will be a group practice in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
The sermon this morning: WOMEN IN THE CHURCH
The closing song: RISE UP, O MEN OF GOD
The sermon this morning: GOSSIP ... THE SPEAKING OF EVIL
The closing song: I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY
The sermon this morning: CONTEMPORARY ISSUES #3 ... EUTHANASIA
The closing song: TAKE MY LIFE
Volunteers are needed to spit up food for distribution following the Restaurant Supply Show at the Expo Center.
Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The Sunday Night Men's Glee Club will meet on Saturday at the park, unless it rains.
In that case they will meet at their regular Tuesday evening time.
It's Drug Awareness Week: Get involved in drugs before your children do.
Illiterate? Write to the church office for help.
The class on prophecy has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
(a most unfortunate blooper during the pastor's ilness:)
GOD IS GOOD! Dr. Hargreaves is better!
After consultation with the pastor she left the church feeling much better except for her original complaints.
ANOINTING OF THE SICK ... If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously sick by request.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the Church. Children will be Baptized at both ends.
Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
Bulletin of a church with a rather elderly congregation: "Mr Brookes will be in the church foyer at the end of today's service. Transport can be provided if required."
Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.
When I was the "maintenance guy" at my former church, I left a note attached to a receipt in the office for the secretary. Note read:
"Van Battery died." The secretary was concerned that she didn't know this church member, and asked how she should announce his passing in the bulletin.
Church sign: The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
A nervous pastor preaching his first sermon. Instead of "God called me to heal the sick, raise the dead, and cast out the devil."
what came out was, "God called me to heal the dead, cast out the sick, and raise the devil."
Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: "The Gates of Heaven". Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance."
THAT'S ABOUT ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT .......... FOR NOW.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
When parking on the north side of the church, please remember to park on an angel.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Jones to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The church office will be closed until opening. It will remain closed after opening. It will reopen Monday.
Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.
Hymn Blooper: "All people that on earth do swell"
Sermon Blooper: "Let everything that hath breasts praise the Lord!"
The lady at the Bible Study was tearful and crying constantly. She also appeared to be depressed.
The beautiful flowers on the altar this morning are to celebrate the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
At the Ladies Liturgy Society this Thursday, Mrs. Smith will sing “Put Me In My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.
The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our bell choir practice.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They maybe seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
Questionnaire :
"What is your Church Preference?"Answer : "I prefer a red brick church."
The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 P.M. Please use the back door.
On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expense of a new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will please come forward to get a piece of paper.
There is a sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be baptized on the table in the foyer.
Janet Smith has volunteered to strip and refinish the communion table in the sanctuary.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains.
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I upped My Pledge----Up Yours."
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
If you need to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly.
A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.
We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
Thursday at 5:00PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his study.
Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
This evening at 7 PM there will be a group practice in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
The sermon this morning: WOMEN IN THE CHURCH
The closing song: RISE UP, O MEN OF GOD
The sermon this morning: GOSSIP ... THE SPEAKING OF EVIL
The closing song: I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY
The sermon this morning: CONTEMPORARY ISSUES #3 ... EUTHANASIA
The closing song: TAKE MY LIFE
Volunteers are needed to spit up food for distribution following the Restaurant Supply Show at the Expo Center.
Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The Sunday Night Men's Glee Club will meet on Saturday at the park, unless it rains.
In that case they will meet at their regular Tuesday evening time.
It's Drug Awareness Week: Get involved in drugs before your children do.
Illiterate? Write to the church office for help.
The class on prophecy has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
(a most unfortunate blooper during the pastor's ilness:)
GOD IS GOOD! Dr. Hargreaves is better!
After consultation with the pastor she left the church feeling much better except for her original complaints.
ANOINTING OF THE SICK ... If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously sick by request.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the Church. Children will be Baptized at both ends.
Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
Bulletin of a church with a rather elderly congregation: "Mr Brookes will be in the church foyer at the end of today's service. Transport can be provided if required."
Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.
When I was the "maintenance guy" at my former church, I left a note attached to a receipt in the office for the secretary. Note read:
"Van Battery died." The secretary was concerned that she didn't know this church member, and asked how she should announce his passing in the bulletin.
Church sign: The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
A nervous pastor preaching his first sermon. Instead of "God called me to heal the sick, raise the dead, and cast out the devil."
what came out was, "God called me to heal the dead, cast out the sick, and raise the devil."
Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: "The Gates of Heaven". Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance."
THAT'S ABOUT ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT .......... FOR NOW.
Thanks Rhonda I haven't laughed this hard in ages.
ReplyDeleteFlorence
Ah yes, church funnies. You've gotta love them...
ReplyDelete