A Thought About My Biggest Phobia

My Secret fear is not so much of a secret especially since it has been a fear since I was very small and still freaks me out to this very day.  It certainly wouldn't come as a shock to anyone who really knows me and would also be of no surprise to anyone who has experienced first hand my extremely bad sense of direction.  If you put me in a paper bag and turn me around I won't be able to find the way out again. 

I freak out at even just the thought of being lost!  For years I would wake up in the night with a lump in the back of my throat because I had nightmares of being lost in my school and not being able to find my locker or even my math class for some strange reason (Not sure why it was always only math, but whatever)

Even now I've lived in Ajax for 8 years and I still get lost if I deviate from any familiar paths and have literally had to call friends to come and find me.  What also baffles me (as I sit here calm and in my right mind) is that frantic panic that takes over so quickly if I even think I'm going to get lost. It has nothing to do with thinking I'll never find my way home either because I can know that I am only two minutes from my house and it will still send shock waves right through me.  One wrong turn and I'm freaking out!

However if I have someone with me I'm fine.  Go figure!

Driving has nothing to do with it either.  One time I got lost meeting a friend at Yorkdale Mall.  I must have walked that mall for two hours and couldn't for the life of me find my way back to the entrance I had come in.  It turned out ok since my friend had no such dyslexia about directions and finally told me to just stand still and to talk to him on my cell.  Took him only 10 minutes to find me!!

I think maybe if I had one of those GPS things it might help me with the driving part of it. Not quite sure what to do about the other stuff unless I just never leave familiar streets and never enter buildings that are bigger than 5 rooms.  Anyway if you ever happen to see me walking or driving around aimlessly, crying for no apparent reason, you may want to ask me if I'm lost.  If I'm too incoherent to even answer then it's best to assume that it's been some time since I last had any perception at all about where I was and that I'm slowly slipping into madness! Just be nice and remember it's a phobia that I'v had all my life. Best thing to do if you want to get together with me is to just come get me. I don't care how lost I get if someone else is driving!  

I don't even want to think about this anymore.......but unfortunately I certainly will because it haunts me on a regular basis.